A few months ago I scheduled a 6 night yoga retreat down in Costa Rica. This is something I have done 2 years ago and I really, really enjoyed it, so I always said I would do it again. I figured Jakob would be over 1 years old at this time, I’m done breastfeeding, we have a good support system at home…it would be a fine time for me to ‘fly the coop’ for a little. After all, Tobias had left for fun in Germany with his friends for like 10 days before we met up with him in August, so why can’t I have my own fun right?
As I got closer and closer to the time to go, soooo many emotions and feelings came up.
I can’t leave my son.
I’m an awful mom for going somewhere just for fun without my family.
What if he resents me?
What if I have fun while they are miserable?
I’m not going.
At this point I had already gone on 2 work trips where I left Jakob and Tobias to fend for themselves, but they were only for about 3 nights, and it was for work so I “had” to do it. Leaving for a fun solo trip for a longer amount of time hit soooo much differently. I knew I would have a good time because I love traveling, I loved Costa Rica, and I love yoga — yet I cancelled the trip so many times. I knew Jakob was in great hands with his father and the support from my parents. I knew this was just going to be a blip on the radar for him — that maybe he’d notice I was gone for a little bit but ultimately he’d have no idea I really left, and he’d never remember this week.
Yet I was consumed with guilt, fear and anxiety. So I did the only thing I knew to do — I Googled.
I think we all know Googling things can lead you into a crazy rabbit hole that is full of non-sense. “My head hurts” — you have terminal cancer Google says. But I needed some type of guidance or reassurance that I was OK for doing this. Of course I found some people out there saying “oh my goodness you’re leaving your child when you don’t have to?! What a selfish a-hole!”….those got to me. They were the “your headache is cancer” finds for me. And I started to believe it.
Luckily, there were sooo many other great forums and articles from mom giving me exactly the love and guidance I needed. These mom’s said they had ALL the same feelings as me — reassurance I needed. Then they shared their stories with how great it was to take some time for themselves, and how ultimately it was a great decision for me.
And that’s what convinced me to go.
Mothers, pediatricians, just women in general shared the importance of recharging your mom batteries so you can come back and be even better than before. You know “happy wife, happy life?”. Well after this experience, I truly believe “happy, peaceful, recharged, positive mom — happy baby”. Before I left I was barely sleeping for months before, I was run-down, stressed, angry, agitated, and all of that my baby was witnessing and feeling I’m sure. During my 6 night solo retreat, I was able to get some uninterrupted sleep, have some quality alone time, catch-up on some of the things I loved doing before baby, laugh with adults, eat some good food, and really take the time I needed to recharge. I came back to my baby happy, well-rested, positive, and with a great attitude and appreciation for so much — I know he feels that now.
There are a lot of positive articles out there for those mothers that are feeling the same way, and I highly suggest you soak in the goodness there, and block out the bad, hateful stuff Google can lead you to. If I had to sum up my own personal suggestions, they would be:
Write down why you want to go on this trip — a pro/con list if you will. Be totally honest with yourself, as well as realistic (I know I always thought a con would be “my baby will hate me” but in reality I knew the odds of that happening are majorly slim to none - it’s such a short period of time, he’s 1, and he loves the crap out of me). I will bet that your pro list will beat out your con list
Make sure your support system at home is rock-solid. If you really are feeling nervous about who you are leaving your child with, then maybe do this trip later. I felt 100% secure with how Jakob would be cared for while I was gone, so this was a no-brainer for me
Organize and write-down his daily routine for your support at home. This will help you ease your mind that they are following the exact way “mommy” would be doing things
TALK ABOUT IT! It might get a little, well, annoying for some to keep hearing your concerns, but let it out. It’s nice to hear from your squad that they support and love you and want you to enjoy yourself
Make it a shorter and/or closer trip at first. Since I had already done 2 away trips for work that were really close by, I felt good with heading to Costa Rica, but I knew 5 days was my limited. Maybe start with a long weekend somewhere close where you can drive home if needed
Try to have fun….really, really, try. And try to really understand that because you’re having fun without your baby doesn’t mean you should feel guilty - heck, my baby has a lot of fun without me all of the time too!
Overall, I’m so happy I went on this trip when I did. Any sooner might have been bad, and any later I may never have gone. It was a valuable lesson of independence for both me and my son, as I want him to grow up seeing that he can do these things as well. Tobias also was super grateful, as he had never had that much one-on-one time with him before which was really special. The choice is ultimately up to you, but I can say from my own experience, it was so worth it for everyone :)